alone

Currently Playing .: 12012 - Alone :.

I woke up thinking about her again, i almost broke down and went on a full brawl as soon as i got up to use the washroom, the feeling was so painful.. the sudden memories of her; her sweet soft voice, laughing and saying oh my god in a slight accent, getting super excited what we found out about each other, the most beautiful moment of all; hearing her say  i love you so much Victor. Tears are rolling down my face and i cant even see the screen properly..all i could think about is her.

It was during my trip i decided to use tinder, since Catherine and Kelvin and I went by Langham place in MK and came across Angelbaby's cafe, it was Kelvin's suggestions that we go there, but with another girl so i wouldn't be lonely. For some reason, i said yes to a cat named Connie somehow, details were really hazy if it was even i who swiped right on her. On Oct 11th she said hi to me, and thus our conversation began. I told her right off the bat i wasn't really looking for someone to be with, and she wasn't either.. 

We eventually switched to calling since she was too lazy to type. It was truly magical; how much common interest we seem to have, all the things i would ever want in a significant others she seems to have. Even all the topics we talk about we would click instantly and would go on like this for hours on end. We made a promise to each other we would not see each other, and thus my expectations of her grew and grew as days go on..

Maybe it was a bad decision to see her pictures so late into knowing her, i feel like such an asshole for admitting that physical attractions are so important.. but i really can't bring myself to muster all the effort into this relationship when i'm fully committed to her. If i have met her in real life, things would be different, i would be able to tell if im attracted to her.. pictures doesn't define the person at all. I'm so deathly afraid she won't do anything reckless after what i have said before.. i know she's feeling a lot of pain right now cuz of the way i reacted, I really hope she'll be ok. 

I will talk to her again in a weeks time, since i have told her to give me some space to cool down a bit. I have thought about her a lot these past couple of days.. even in dreams i would hear her voice, and just couldn't fall back to bed after. I hope she will ok.. i really don't want to lose her as a dear friend.